start em young

As a preface, I am temporarily living in Mexico City and have experience living in other parts of Latin America too. Latin American spirituality and sexuality is...different. I have been raised with a very EEUU type of spirituality. Of this I am aware. But I do appreciate Latin American devotions, in a way. Today I went to the Basilica de la Virgen de Guadalupe, where the virgin Mary appeared to Juan Diego. It's pretty cool. I climbed the hill to where the apparition happened, and while looking in one of the stalls for a keychain I saw this bad boy. A virgen de guadalupe coloring book. how nice.

Not only that, a Virgen de Guadalupe coloring book with a cover that reads "Virgencita plis mandame un novio," which for all you non-spanish speakers out there translates as "little virgin, please send me a boyfriend." other pages in the book say things like "virgencita, take care of my boyfriend," or "virgencita, take care of my baby" or "virgencita, give me a boyfriend."

ok now. it's a cute coloring book. but there are plenty of problems in Latin American culture that involve girls getting boyfriends and then getting pregnant way early, plus the whole machismo thing. There was no boy coloring book saying "please virgencita send me a girlfriend." No other page in the coloring book asks the virgen for anything. only a boyfriend. And what kind of message are we sending to little latina girls when we say "pray to the virgin for a boyfriend?" I think we're saying, "hey, you're not worth anything unless you're in a relationship, so if you find someone who is willing to date you, even if he's abusive and treats you like crap, he's your novio so stick with it." maybe I'm biased because I've seen so many women stay in so many abusive relationships in Latin America (as an aside, there are good ones too). But this is where it starts. Telling little girls that what they most need in life is a boyfriend? no thank you. Though I did buy this coloring book. It is totally hilarious! and inappropriate.

Read: Sex & the Soul - Donna Freitas

Sex & the Soul: Juggling Sexuality, Spirituality, Romance, and Religion on America's College Campuses by Donna Freitas is an often disturbing study of sexual and spiritual experiences, as told by American college kids. Freitas interviewed 111 college students at seven different schools across the country, public and private, secular and religious. She draws an important distinction between evangelical and Catholic universities, as the sexual and religious cultures differ.

Freitas talks about the hook-up culture that is prevalent on many college campuses these days, and how men and women alike find it unsatisfying and unfulfilling. Kids are spiritually searching, which often results in separating their spiritual lives from their sexual activities and that creates problems. There seems to be no way around it. Everyone seems to wish they could talk openly about sex without being judged. Some religious students feel guilt for sexual activities, some chaste students feel societal pressure, some sexually active students feel like something is missing from their relationships. Freitas provides plenty of personal accounts from individual students, and while the framework is different for each one, rare is the student who is happy with both their spiritual and sexual lives.

This I found sad. Though not surprising. I went to a large public institution for my undergraduate education, and I saw this hook-up culture first hand. I am well-aware of the objectification of women that happens. It's disturbing. Freitas didn't help. I found some of her stories so upsetting that the next night I actually had a bad dream about mistreatment of women. The attitude towards women held by students (male and female) and recounted in the book is appalling, but we need to be aware of it. College kids need to think about their actions and whether said actions are reflective of their true beliefs. Though obviously, college is the place where people are figuring out what they truly believe, so who knows. This is not a problem that can be fixed easily. But being aware that it is a problem is the first step.

I'm not going to comment too much on her methodology. Only a little bit. Some of her claims, such as how students at Catholic universities aren't as religious, I'm sure aren't true for all Catholic universities, but she doesn't claim causality. She doesn't really do questionable statistics, she just provides numbers. If she had attempted to do some multivariate regressions I'd have something to say, but she doesn't. Her conclusions aren't "don't send your kids to a Catholic school" but are "ask questions about campus culture when you're picking schools." That I find acceptable, though what kind of campus tour guide is going to answer questions about girls dressing like hos for a theme party?

In short: who knows if the science is good, but the message is worth thinking about.

a starting point

Elyse suggested I begin with a question.

There is bastante literature on sexuality and spirituality of marriage and religious life. How marriage unifies you and your spouse with God, how you express your sexuality and your spirituality with your spouse. Likewise religious, how you can express your sexual nature within the religious life. Lots of conversing going on about these vocations. Not a lot being said about what happens outside of those two states, besides the whole Chastity bit. I get the practical side. No sex. Ok thanks, Church, for making that clear. What about the rest of it?

Marriage and religious life are not the only two states of being. I, as a single woman, am not simply waiting around for the call to one of these two vocations. I am not a failure because I haven't found a husband and I am, as Elyse says, old (old=27). I am not simply in transition from adolescence to adulthood, where I only become who I am supposed to be within the context of marriage or religious life. I am myself. now.

What does that mean? What does it mean to be single? What does it mean to be Catholic in this context? What does it mean for me to be a woman? How do I express my sexual and spiritual nature now, as I am?

Presuppositions

We dont have bodies.  We are bodies.  Let's be Catholic about this.